Take a walk, holding daddy’s hand
To the park we’d go
Where we would spend the day
On the jungle gym and swings
He would tell me jokes that made me laugh
Could get me out of any tree I climbed
Sat next to me while I picked flowers
We would talk about the butterflies
Watching them from the beginning
When they were just little caterpillars
Until the day they would come out of their cocoons
Into the beautiful thing they are
Once they were ready to go
We would watch them fly into the sun
Daddy knew how to make the day fun
Picking me up from school to go on the run
Museums, parks, movies and possibly to the aquarium
When I was with him there was nowhere I’d rather be
Now I am grown up and on my own
There are times when I look back
And remember how simple it was
When there was nothing to worry about
Except where the next adventure would take us
Original:
Once Upon a Time
Take a walk, holding daddy's hand
To the park we would go
Where we would spend the day
On the jungle gym and swings
He always knew how to make me laugh
Could coax me out of any tree I climbed
We would talk about the butterflies
They were my favorite to see
We would lay there talking and
He told stories that he had memorized
Daddy knew how to make the day fun
Picking me up from school to go on the run
Museums, parks, movies and more
When I was with him I would soar
Now I am grown up and on my own
I look back and remember all the days
We would pick up and go somewhere fun
I wish I could go back to once upon a time.
I thought this poem was really sweet. It makes me remember the things I used to do with my dad when I was little. Those were good memories! I feel like the line about the butterflies took a different turn in the poem, but I liked it nevertheless!
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a really cute poem. I like how it shows the innocence of spending time with your father at a young age. I think it's really relateable. I dont't understand "Museums, parks, movies and more When I was with him I would soar". I feel like you could have used something besides "soar". Otherwise I think it's really good!
ReplyDeleteThis is really sweet, and I like the memories. Makes me miss my Daddy! I agree on the "soar" rhyme.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is extremely relatable. I feel like many people wish they could escape to their childhood memories. Good job.
ReplyDeleteHere's William Wordsworth on recalling childhood:
ReplyDeletetruths that wake,
To perish never:
Which neither listlessness, nor mad endeavour,
Nor Man nor Boy,
Nor all that is at enmity with joy,
Can utterly abolish or destroy!
Hence in a season of calm weather
Though inland far we be,
Our souls have sight of that immortal sea
Which brought us hither,
Can in a moment travel thither,
And see the children sport upon the shore,
And hear the mighty waters rolling evermore.
Being in or twenties means being inland. But he's saying we can still get to the shore of our childhood, and that remembering joy is a redeeming feature. Your poem makes me think of this one. That said, I think the language of yours could be more daring.
Can you think of your father's eyebrows, or the feel of his hands, or something that distinguishes him from other dads?
Also, think about trying a non-rhyming poem. The rhymes make this sing-songy, and the topic is already sentimental. With free verse (no rhyme, no necessary meter), you could capture the bittersweet tone you seem to be shooting for.
Good start.
Im not sure how else to get a hold of you, but I have a good idea for that poem about words, actions daylight and midnight. Maybe you could use something from the fairytale Cinderella....isnt there some clause about midnight and turning into a pumpkin?
ReplyDelete