Thursday, March 29, 2012

Creative 3-30-12

Revised:

A Mended Heart
There was only pain, because there was no affection
I asked myself, “what do I want to see?”
The answer was simple, a connection
With the one who always seemed to flee

Do I deserve this type of treatment?
All I seem to do is wait around
For someone to be in agreement
With all that I have ever found

But I seem to have found something new
Someone to carry me until the end
One that will always continue to be true
I am slowly but eagerly on the mend
Maybe one day it will end in a wedding bell
And this will become a story that I will tell
(or be a story that I won’t have to tell)
           
Original:
A Mended Heart

My heart ached because it had no affection
I asked myself, “What do I want to see?”
The answer was simple, a connection
With the one who always seemed to flee.

Do I deserve this type of treatment?
All I seem to do is wait around
For someone to be in agreement
With all that I have ever found

But I seem to have found something new
Someone to carry me until the end
One that will always continue to be true
I am slowly but eagerly on the mend
Maybe one day it will end in a wedding bell
And this will be a story that I once would tell

1 comment:

  1. Pretty solid here! There's a natural feeling to much of this language that makes some of the clunkier moments stand out more (you probably noticed that while you're writing).

    "That I once would tell" seems like a syllable stretch, right?

    Good, though. A perfect topic for a sonnet.

    :-)

    DW

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